


When I Flew Away

by seasaltboi



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, POV Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Past Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), lapis regretting her life choices, peridot being smol and adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24813880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltboi/pseuds/seasaltboi
Summary: "When I flew away, I didn't even think about her. But now that I've come back, she's all I can think about."---Takes place after "Why so Blue" from Steven Universe Future.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	When I Flew Away

_Who’s laughing now?_

**_Who’s pitiful now?_ **

Lapis couldn’t stop thinking about what she did. It was a familiar feeling to her, but this time cut even deeper. She thought that she had moved past this.

She remembered the two rouge Lapis’ she fought. She remembered the fear in their eyes as she was about to end them. Steven said she had grown a lot, but had she really? If he hadn’t been there…she dreaded to think what she could have done.

_Then again, if I had shattered them, maybe…_

_No. I’m making excuses again…_

She looked over at the sea, alone on the beach. She couldn’t take her eyes off the cascading waves. Water was her tomb for so long, but now she was using it as a weapon.

For so long she hated everyone and everything around her. They were all monsters.

_Maybe I’m the monster…_

All the things she did came back to her. That time she stole the Earth’s water. That time she tricked Jasper and kept her prisoner. That time she fled Earth and took the barn from Peridot…

_Peridot._

Out of everyone she hurt, she was the one she felt most bad for. Every day she asked herself why she would waste her time with someone like her. Why she would show such unconditional kindness and respect to someone like _her_ …

She had no reason to, really. Steven was…well, Steven, so of course he would show her kindness. But Peridot? She had her status taken away and was forced to live on a rock. Why did she give her that tape recorder? _Why did I break it in front of her…?_

After she fled Earth and took the barn with her, she didn’t stop watching them live their lives without her. She remembered how sad Peridot was…but at the time, she didn’t care. It was her fault for not coming with her.

_No…I’m doing it again…_

And then when she came back…it was never brought up again. No apologies were needed. They continued living together alongside the gems at Little Homeworld. They were happy.

Or at least, Lapis thought she was.

Peridot continued being her lovable self. She couldn’t believe that she was the same gem who took her in for questioning all those years ago. It was like she was finally allowed to be herself…although Lapis sometimes questioned if that were true.

Peridot handled her feelings well. Too well. She couldn’t help but be reminded of when Navy came to Earth. She couldn’t be _that_ well-adjusted. _Could Peridot be lying about her feelings to me?_

She then remembered what Peridot said, before Lapis ran away with the barn. She said that she was afraid to say no to her…

_She couldn’t still feel that way, could she?_

Looking back at the times they spent together, she remembered that whenever she touched Peridot, she would shake a little. It wasn’t very noticeable, but it was there.

She had to see her.

…

Peridot gazed at the beautiful view from the watch tower, shifting between that and her sketchpad. She then heard a familiar sound which made her look up immediately, the sound of Lapis’ watery wings flying above.

Lapis landed, a casual smile on her face. Seeing her again almost made her forget about her struggles, though she still didn’t fully understand why.

“Hey,” was all she said.

“Lazuli!” Peridot replied, a wide beam on her face. “Check this out!”

Intrigued, she came a little closer to see what Peridot was doing.

“I looked at some of your drawings yesterday and I was like, ‘uh…why is her face covered in red stuff, and what were those squishy things coming out of her abdomen’?”

Lapis didn’t know what to say, she was hoping she wouldn’t find those.

“Anyway, after seeing your artistic genius, I thought that I would start drawing too! And it. Is. A. _Masterpiece._ I have carefully examined the area, and I have accurately recreated every single detail! Wanna see?”

“Sure!” she replied, excited to see what she had made.

She showed Lapis her drawing. It was…a bunch of scribbles.

“Ta-daaaa! Isn’t it great?!”

“Yeah, it is,” she lied, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

“I knew it! I guess we have _two_ artists in this town now,” she teased, grinning mischievously.

“I guess we do…”

Peridot noticed her solemn tone in her words, her once happy face immediately changed to one of concern.

“I-Is something wrong?”

Lapis recognized what was going on. She’s scared of me again…

“Oh no, nothing’s wrong!” she blurted out, trying to reassure her, but the loud tone in her voice didn’t help calm Peridot’s nerves. “It’s just…”

“I-I was only joking about being the artist!” Peridot reassured. “I’ve only just started, really, and-”

 _Dammit, she’s blaming herself again for something she didn’t even do!_ Lapis thought to herself angrily. _I must set things right._

“Peridot,” she said, which made her quiet. “I’m…sorry.”

“Hm? For what?”

She sounded genuinely confused by Lapis’ apology, like there was nothing for her to even be mad at.

“The barn, Peridot. I tried to force you to leave everything behind, and when you wouldn’t come with me, I…I took everything from you.”

Peridot was silent for a moment, unsure of how to reply. They hadn’t even mentioned the barn ever since Lapis came back at Garnet’s wedding. At first, she was too happy from seeing Lapis again to care about what she did, but then as time went on she struggled to forget about it.

“Lapis it’s ok, really…”

“No, it’s not! I did so many awful things, I hurt you so badly and I didn’t even apologize. I can’t even face Jasper!”

“I mean, it’s not your fault,” Peridot said, trying to make her feel better. “With everything that happened and all…” She always refused to bring up Lapis’ past, because she knew that some of the wounds she felt were still deep.

“Peridot…it’s ok to be mad at me,” she told her. “You don’t have to hide your feelings from me, I won’t get upset.”

“B-But I do forgive you, really! I mean, it really did hurt when it happened, but…part of me is kinda glad that it did. Being with Steven, the gems and the other Stevens made me learn more about what I can do, and more about the Earth! It was hard, but it was almost like I needed it for my character development…or something like that.”

“That doesn’t just undo what I did. I uh…care about you…a lot,” Lapis muttered, her blue face slowly becoming red. _Why is showing affection so difficult?_ “So, uh…I want us to be honest with each other, ok?”

“Well there is something I haven’t been telling you…” said Peridot, shaking a little.

“What is it?”

Lapis braced for the worst, hoping the monster wouldn’t come out again.

“I-It’s just…uh…hnnnnng…” she struggled to get the words out.

“It’s ok, you can tell me!” Lapis reassured.

“I uhhhh…”

“Yes?”

“IdontlikeRodrigo.”

“…What?”

“Hnnnng I DON’T LIKE RODRIGO!” she blurted out, then immediately covered her mouth afterwards, ashamed at what she had said. Rodrigo was Lapis’ favourite character in the show they watched together, Camp Pining Hearts. And for the longest time, Peridot had been pretending to agree with her.

“Wait, you told me he was your favourite!” Lapis remarked.

“I know but…arrrgh, he’s just so _passive_ and _boring_! He contributes nothing to the overall story!”

Lapis wouldn’t stand for this slander.

“Rodrigo’s inner struggles with his social anxiety are deep and introspective, which ties _directly_ into the larger themes of the show.”

“No, it doesn’t! His arc had already concluded, they’re just repeating his anxiety plot over and over again because they’ve ran out of ideas!”

“Mental illness never truly goes away, and the show reflects that beautifully.”

“But what about the other characters and their problems? They’re being completely side-lined!”

“I mean the show is being renewed for another season anyway.”

“What if it’s not Lapis… _what if it’s not._ ”

There was a moment of silence, before they simultaneously burst into fits of laughter. They missed talking about the show like this. The smaller gem calmed down, feeling waves of enjoyment that she hadn’t felt in a while.

“Maybe it is ok to disagree sometimes,” Peridot chuckled. “Even if the show totally sucks now.”

“Yeah…I guess it is.”

Lapis felt relieved too. She didn’t have to be the victim anymore. From now on, they could just be themselves. She knew that things wouldn’t always be easy, but she promised that she would keep on trying to improve herself.

“Hey Peri, do you want to try something with me?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“I uh…when I was watching the humans…back then…I saw they were…um- doing this thing where they wrap their arms around each other? It was very strange.”

“Oh, you mean hugging, right? I know _all_ about that!” Peridot gushed excitedly, proud of the knowledge she obtained on Earth. “It’s a commonly performed Steven ritual where one embraces another and-”

“Yeah I was just wondering…do you want to try it with me?”

Peridot blushed, her adorable face turning bright red.

“Uh sure, ok!”

Lapis kneeled to match the smaller gem’s height, causing Peridot to blush even more. She slowly began to wrap her hands around her waists. Am I doing this right…?

To her surprise, Peridot reciprocated and held her closely, while Lapis was reluctantly pulling her closer as well. _She feels so warm…_

As the two embraced, Peridot expected Lapis to feel cold, but she wasn’t. To each other’s surprise, Peridot wasn’t the one the shaking. Lapis was.

“Are you ok?” Peridot asked gently.

“Yeah…I like this.”

“I like it too.”

The two continued hugging, enjoying each other’s embrace. They wondered if Bismuth would show up, but even if she did, they didn’t want to let go of each other.

“Lapis…” Peridot squeaked softly.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t leave me again.”

Lapis smiled, ruffling her fingers through her hair.

“I promise I won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this! ♡ Idk if I'll write more chapters or if it should just stay as a one-shot, we'll see I guess. XD Feel free to let me know what you think!


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